


The Side of Him He Hides

by Mae01



Series: Marauders Modern AU [13]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Best Friends, Fanfiction, Fluff, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Friendship/Love, Gen, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Modern Marauders (Harry Potter), One Shot, Platonic Female/Male Relationships, References to Depression, Remus Lupin & Lily Evans Potter Friendship, Remus Lupin Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-18 18:07:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29122395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mae01/pseuds/Mae01
Summary: Remus Lupin is struggling with his mental health and doesn't want to bother his friends with it; they find out and help him.“He’s going to hate me for involving you guys, but I think Moony is struggling and doesn’t want us to know.”
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Remus Lupin & Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin & James Potter
Series: Marauders Modern AU [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2138295
Comments: 2
Kudos: 41





	The Side of Him He Hides

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: If you struggle with depression or mentions of depression triggers you, I would advise you not to read. There are no self-harm or suicide scenes, but rather some depression thoughts.
> 
> This is a stand-alone work. There are other stories in the universe, but you do not need to read other stories to understand this one.
> 
> I do not own any Harry Potter characters all characters belong to JK Rowling.

_It’s one of those days_ Remus thinks to himself. 

Remus Lupin has always struggled with depression ever since he was a teenager, and now at 23, he still has to deal with it at times. The one thing doctors never forget to tell people diagnosed with depression is that it is almost always a life long battle. There are times when life is going really well and then the feeling hits. The feeling where it starts to take more effort to get out of bed. The feeling of making a cup of tea is just too much work. The feeling where you know you have to fight with yourself to just get through the day or you will lose yourself.

The hardest part of having one of those days is that it is almost never just one day. It will be maybe, if you’re lucky, just four days. That is the hardest part when you feel yourself slipping; you never know how long you are going to have to fight to stay above the waves of life but you know you have to fight.

Remus woke up and knew right away that he was going to need to start fighting. He was going to have to force himself to get up and go to work today. Today is one of his long shifts of the week, from 9 am-3 pm (the opening shift). His thoughts were already running at an unhuman pace that exhausted him, but he would just need to put on a smile, build his walls and get through the day without breaking. Once he got home after work, then he would be able to let his walls down.

Remus worked at a coffee shop with his three best friends and although he loved them and they loved him, he hated them knowing when he was struggling. His group of best friends consists of Lily Potter (his childhood best friend), James Potter (Lily’s husband) and Sirius Black (James’ honorary brother). Remus and Lily met James and Sirius in their third year of high school. Although the two groups of friends were complete opposites as the nerds and the jocks, they became an unbreakable set of friends once they were all partnered for a group project and forced to hang out or they would fail. Soon enough, they began doing everything together and James and Lily started dating. Lily was with Remus from the very beginning of his depression and James and Sirius eventually found out soon after they graduated and decided to go on a month-long road trip (as much as someone wants to hide their struggles with random depression spirals, it is very hard to do when you are stuck with friends for a month straight). 

Remus knows that his friends talk to each other when they think he is struggling with his depression, and as much as he loves their concern, he doesn’t like when they try help. He knows they can easily help, but he wants to be able to help himself and feels terrible about needing their help. He has heard the lecture from them about letting them help, but he finds it embarrassing asking for help and reaching out when it’s hard enough to carry a conversation let alone start the conversation. He knows if he lets one of his friends know that he is struggling, that the rest will know. He didn’t want to deal with that today, he just wanted to stay home. He has been feeling himself slipping for almost four days now, but today was the day where he hit the bottom and is so, so tired. He has kept it from his friends for the past couple days, if he just keeps at it, then he will be okay. It’s his last day before he has four days off, he just needs to get through today.

It takes Remus 45 minutes to get up and ready for work, mentally preparing himself to talk to people and try not to let his friends see how he’s really feeling. After eating a bowl of cereal and an apple, Remus puts in his headphones and starts his short walk to the coffee shop. Knowing he was working with James, he prepared for the non-stop talking as best as he could.

“Hey, Moony! How are you? I feel like I haven’t seen you in such a long time! We haven’t worked together for like, three days. I’ll start on the cash register if you want to start working on the drinks?” James yells once he sees Remus walk through the back door. James was already unlocking the front door and flipping the sign to ‘open.’

“Hey, Prongs. Yeah, I don’t mind starting on drinks, you know I hate the register anyways.” Remus hoped that he kept the exhaustion out of his voice and that he sounded like his normal self. He couldn’t allow James to realize when the shift has barely even started yet. 

The coffee shop was consistently busy for most of the shift which kept James from having any deep conversations to which Remus was thanking his lucky stars. The busyness of the shop didn’t stop James from starting any conversations though. He talked about Lily and how she was doing (she was eight months pregnant and was going to be going on maternity leave in the next few weeks), talking about the baby’s room, and talking about the latest game James and Sirius had played during games night. Everything seemed to be working out for Remus in not having to do much talking or giving James an opportunity to see how tired Remus looked.

Until 2:55pm. Remus was cleaning up the bar and getting ready to leave when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“You okay, man?” James said. James was very observant and almost always wore his feelings on his face. His eyes were filled with concern and worry which probably should have made Remus feel better about his friend wanting to honestly know if he was hurting, but it only made Remus feel guilty about keeping how he was truly feeling from his friends knowing that they just want to help.

“Yeah, I’m good. Don’t worry about me, I’m just a little tired.” Remus pleaded to any god that was listening that James would drop it and buy his understatement of ‘tired.’ Trying to avoid eye contact without worrying his friend, Remus takes his apron off and hangs it with the others.

“You sure? You know Lily, Sirius and I are always here for you… I know the three of us live together and you live on your own, but if you want to spend a night or come over for dinner you are always welcome.”

“Really James, I’m fine. I know your home is always open. I just want to go home, alright? I’ll see you guys soon, I’m off for the next couple of days. Say ‘Hi’ to the others for me, yeah?” Giving James a smile, Remus grabbed his bag and started on his walk home. He knew that James might not buy it, but he hoped that he wouldn’t tell Lily and Sirius his concerns.

As soon as Remus got back to his apartment, he dropped his bag at the door and laid down on his couch. He could feel himself going crazy with his never-ending thoughts and the numbness that spread throughout his body. He hated these days, they always seemed like they would never end even though he knew they would. He could feel tears spring to his eyes as he tried to fight what his head was telling him, trying to just stay above the waves of depression that tried to down him.

 _Your friends honestly don’t care, they prefer when you don’t tell them you’re struggling. It’s less work if you just leave them alone._ No, they care… they’re my friends, they love me.

 _Do they love you? Are you sure?_ Yes, they do…. I think...

 _Their lives would be so much easier if you just didn’t tell them you were struggling. They are probably having fun right now and knowing you are struggling would bring them down._ I know, that’s why I’m not reaching out to them. Thanks for the reminder.

By the time Remus had had enough of fighting with himself and decided he needed to do something, it was 5 pm. Checking his phone, he declines James’s invite to go over for dinner and looks in his fridge for something to eat. The past couple of days had been hard for Remus, he hadn’t made any meals as he was too tired so he didn’t have any leftovers. He also noticed he was low on the essentials of milk, apples, and granola bars. He probably should have accepted the invite for supper, but he really didn’t want to see anyone or interrupt a happy family supper. Eating his last apple as his supper, he decided to go for a walk and get some groceries knowing that most people would be at home eating so he wouldn’t run into many people he knew.

The trip to the grocery store took 30 minutes and by 5:45 pm he was back home and laying on the couch with enough food to last him the next week without having to leave his house except for work.

Deciding there was nothing else to do and with no energy to do anything else, Remus climbed into bed and allowed himself to get lost in his thoughts with no more energy to fight with them until he eventually fell asleep.

(At the Potter-Black Household)

“Hey love, how was work? Sirius and I decided to make some homemade lasagna for supper tonight! We will be ready to eat in about five minutes. Text Rem and ask if he wants to join us, there is more than enough!” Lily shouted to her husband as she heard him walk in the front door while she and Sirius set the table.

“Prongs! You missed a great game of Mario Cart this afternoon! Lily and I played for a couple of hours and she finally beat me!” Sirius shouted at his brother before James could reply to his wife.

“Work was pretty good, a nice and steady day which was good. Lasagna smells great and I’m sorry I missed the game, I’m glad Lily finally beat you! It has been a long time since she won a game. I already asked and he said he would pass tonight but to thank you for the offer.”

The Potter household was always loud and crazy in the evenings, and tonight wasn’t an exception. Halfway through the meal, however, Lily could she some worry etched on her husbands face. After thinking of all the possibilities of what could be wrong, she couldn’t think of anything that she knew could be wrong and decides to voice her question.

“James, honey, is something wrong? You look concerned. Did something happen?” She asked.

“I don’t know… I think… Man, I hate this.” Putting down his cutlery, James leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes.

Sirius and Lily could almost always figure out what was worrying James, but having not a single idea and glancing at each other, they started to get worried not knowing what could possibly be going on to cause James to act like this all of a sudden.

“Prongs, what happened? Are you okay? You gotta give us some more information on what’s going on.”

“He’s going to hate me for involving you guys, but I think Moony is struggling and doesn’t want us to know.”

As soon as the words left his mouth, both Lily and Sirius stilled in their seats, and the atmosphere of the room changed drastically and all three sat and tried to think if there were any indications that they saw that Remus was hiding how he was doing.

“I haven’t talked to Moony in the past two days since he passed on going to the theatre with me. He said he was busy for the next couple days but I didn’t think there was anything off, he just gets busy sometimes.” Sirius said looking through his text messages with a frown etched on his face.

“Rem and I have our weekly lunch date tomorrow,” Lily says. She and Remus had always had lunch dates on Fridays or tea dates if they didn’t feel like lunch. It was a treasured tradition between the two that was rarely every skipped. “If he cancels then he might either just be busy or struggling. If he doesn’t text me before we are going to meet then it has gotten bad and has been getting worse for at least a couple of days.”

The good thing about Remus and Lily being friends for so long is that they know each other inside and out. Lily knew that Remus would text 30 minutes before they would meet to make sure that their plans were still a go and Remus knew that Lily would only watch a rom-com if she wanted to talk rather than watch a movie and pay attention. They knew each other inside out, and they would never make exceptions to those unless something was wrong and would only forget if something was seriously wrong.

“Okay, you guys are planning on meeting at 2 pm tomorrow, right? So if he doesn’t text by 1:30 pm then what do we do?” James asked finally opening his eyes looking at the others.

“If he doesn’t text by 1:30, then let’s deal with that then, okay? I don’t want to worry myself into thinking it has gotten this bad without me even having a sign that he was struggling.” Lily says with a frown on her face and looking close to tears.

“Lily, you know this isn’t you’re fault. He’s stubborn and doesn’t want to bother us even though he knows he isn’t a bother. Love, I don’t think any of us knew what was going on.” James says grasping his wife’s hand trying to comfort her.

“Really Lily, it’s going to be okay. If he doesn’t text, we all have tomorrow off anyway. We can figure something out. When was the last time it got this bad?” Sirius says while starting to clean up the dishes. 

“The last time it got bad enough for him to not text was over two years ago. The two of you had gone on a road trip and Rem and I had that week-long sleepover. He made me promise not to tell you because he was better by the time you got home so there was no need for an explanation. We told you we went to the mall and to the zoo and everything we did, but we stayed here all week and I just made sure he ate and slept and tried to get him through it. You guys haven’t seen him like this yet and I think that may be why he didn’t say anything.” Lily explained while watching her boys get more and more worried.

“Is he… I mean… Would he hurt himself or anything? Does he still do that if it gets really bad,” James asked, not knowing how Remus would deal with everything as he had never seen him super bad before.

“No, no he doesn’t deal with it like that anymore,” Lily started to explain. “I know his thoughts will tell him to hurt himself, but he doesn’t do it anymore. He has gotten to the place where he knows it won’t help in the long run so he broke that habit. He will be safe, but it will be a lot harder if he is all by himself through this.”

“Well,” James started, “I guess we should just be really hoping he texts you then.”

Time passes slowly for Remus the next day. Throughout the night, he kept waking up and would stare at the roof for hours until he fell back asleep only to be woken up an hour later to repeat the process. He knows that he has bags under his eyes and that if anyone were to see him they would think he was extremely sick. He took comfort in knowing that he wouldn’t have to see anyone until his next shift at work and he would have that long to hopefully pull himself together. He continues to stare at the roof in his room drifting in and out of consciousness until he cannot possibly wait any longer to go to the washroom. He remembered to put a reminder on his phone to go off the day before he goes back to work the night before which brought him some relief that he didn’t need to keep in touch with what day it is or what time it is. He eventually gets up and makes his way to his kitchen only to stare at the kettle before deciding that it was too much effort to make some tea, so he crawls back in bed and closes his eyes begging for sleep to come so he doesn’t have to think anymore.

(Potter-Black household)  
The three members of the Potter-Black household all sit on the furniture in the living room watching and listening to the clock tick as the day passes by.10 am. No text from Remus to any of them.  
11 am. No text from Remus to any of them.  
12 pm. No text from Remus to any of them.  
1 pm. No text from Remus to any of them.  
1:30 pm. Not text to Lily about meeting in 30 minutes.

“It’s gotten bad again,” Lily says with a defeated look on her face.

“So what are we supposed to do Lily? You’re his best friend and you know how to help him. Sirius and I don’t know how… I don’t know how we’re supposed to help him and you said that the last time it was this bad he didn’t want us to know but now we know and I don’t just want to sit here while he’s struggling… What can we do?” James has started pacing around the living room at this point. He doesn’t know how he can help one of his best friends but he knows that he for sure doesn’t want to sit around and wait for him to deal with his depression himself.

“I’ll call him and see if he picks up. If he doesn’t pick up then I will go over and....”

“Lily, you can’t leave us out of this! I know you are the closest to him, but James and I want to help, we can’t just sit here while you go over there. You’re eight months pregnant and if it’s as bad as you think, you’re going to need help.”

“I know Sirius, I know you and James want to help. I know you don’t want him struggling by himself but Remus might not be okay with you both seeing him like this. If it’s as bad as last time, his house will be a complete mess, he will have minimal food in his fridge, and he is going to look like a completely different person. I know you want to help and I do want you two there as well. But I know he may not let even me go in let alone if all three of us show up. Let me call him, okay?” Lily picks up her phone and clicks on Remus’s contact to call him. The phone starts ringing and they all wait to hear if Remus will pick up.

Back in Remus’s apartment, Remus watches his phone vibrate on his bed table. He sees Lily’s name flash on his phone and he just keeps staring at the phone, hoping and wishing that it would stop so he could lay in the silence once more. He doesn’t even know why she is calling, no one in the friend group has work today so she and the others should be playing games right now. It stops ringing but before he could breathe a sigh of relief, Lily calls again. This time, he declines the call right away and turns off the ringer. He just wants to be alone, why is that so hard to do? He loves his friends, he really does. But he doesn’t want them worrying about him. He wants them to go out and have fun and let him keep his distance so he doesn’t bring down their mood and kill their joy.

“He declined the call… He isn’t okay. Alright, Sirius, I need you to bake some blueberry muffins, okay? James, I need you to go get the blue bin in the basement that has a purple lid. I know you both want to help, and this is what I need you both to do. I’m going to run over to his apartment and see if he answers the door and who he will allow in and then I’ll come back and hopefully, the three of us will then go over there. Also, pack a bag with extra clothes in case we stay a couple of night. Also, make sure you pack a pair of pajamas. I love you both, I’ll be back soon.” With that, Lily grabbed the car keys and started driving to Remus’s place hoping that he will let the three of them inside.

Remus woke up to knocking on his door. _It’s my day off_ he thinks. _No one should be bothering me for the next couple of days. Why is someone here?_ Deciding to check his phone, he eventually realizes that it was Friday and he had forgotten that he and Lily were supposed to meet. This realization didn’t do anything to make him feel better, it only made him think he was a terrible friend.

_How could I forget to meet with Lily… We have met up every Friday ever since high school. She must be here to tell me what an awful friend I am. I should have texted her so she wouldn’t come here._

“Remus, I know you’re in there,” he hears Lily yell through the door. “I’m not mad, I’m just here to check up on you. Can you let me in please?”

Hearing the concern in her voice but not wanting to talk, he decides to text her. _  
_

( _Italics are Remus_ / **Bold text is Lily** )

2:20 pm: _I’m fine Lily, I’m just tired. I slept in and forgot to text you. Really I’m fine. Please go back home._

2:21 pm: **Rem, I know you aren’t doing okay. James told us that you seemed off yesterday at work. Please let me in, okay? If you don’t let me in then I’ll bring James and Sirius back and they will come in as well. Please let me in.**

2:25 pm: _Don’t drag them into this Lily. They can’t see me like this. No one can see me like this. Just let me deal with it on my own._

2:27 pm: **I know you Remus, and I promised you back in high school that I would never leave you alone when you are like this. You told me that as much as you want to do it on your own, it’s so much harder to do and it hurts so much. I know you don’t want to bother anyone but you aren’t a bother. You’re James, Sirius, and my family. We are family and we are here for you, okay? I love you Rem, and because I love you I’m not going to let you do this alone. If the door isn’t opened in 5 minutes, I’ll bring the boys back and I’ll come in with the spare key.**

Remus started to cry as he read the last text Lily had sent him. It had been five minutes and he can’t bring himself to get out of bed to get ready for his friends to come over. He knows his house is a mess which James and Sirius have never seen before. When Remus isn’t battling with his mental health, he keeps his apartment nearly spotless with nothing out of place. When he is struggling, however, his space is not even close to clean. There are blankets and clothes all over the apartment that accumulated over the past couple of days, dishes stacked in the sink and counters, and books not put on the bookshelf. He knew that Lily would know how to help, she always did, but she is pregnant and shouldn’t be stressing about him. He knew though that she would bring some muffins to force him to eat and bring her bin with the purple lid like she always did.

The bin was their idea after a major depression episode Remus had when he moved into his apartment at the age of 18. They decided to make the bin with things that helped and things that Lily wouldn’t have to scrounge around to find knowing that Remus would like when he is struggling. It sounds childish, but they found something that worked and stuck with it. It is filled with his favourite boxes of tea, their matching pajamas and socks (it sounds silly, they know, but he would only comment on the pajamas when he started feeling less weighed down by the depression waves), tissue boxes, the electric blanket they both fought over when they would have sleepovers, and the twilight movie series (they used to watch them together whenever they needed something cheesy to watch). The contents of the box are funny and they joke about it a lot, but they both know that it is something that will help, so Lily keeps it at her house.

 _Oh gosh,_ Remus thought, _Sirius and James are coming over… they know about the box now and they are going to laugh at me! They are going to laugh when they watch Lily force me into matching pajamas and then they are going to realize how stupid having depression is… What if they leave? What if they realize how pathetic it is of me still dealing with depression when nothing major happened to cause me to be like this? Oh no, I hope Lily was joking about bringing them too, I can’t lose them because of this._

“Alright boys, you got everything ready? We are heading over just as soon as I pack a small bag for myself and grab the spare key.” Lily said, walking back into the house. As soon as she looked up to the others, she saw how worried they were about Remus and that they managed to get everything together as she asked.

“Hey love, I already packed you a bag. Sirius just put the muffins in a container and I brought up the bin. Speaking of the bin, what is it and when did it get here? I have never seen it before. Also, did Remus let you in?”

“No, he didn’t let me in James. That’s why I’m grabbing the spare key. He wouldn’t let me in so I told him that the three of us would be there in a little bit if he didn’t open the door and he didn’t. I’ll tell you about the bin on the way and what you guys can and cannot do. I know he’s safe so I’m not extremely worried but I promised him that I would always be with him when it got bad so that is my job for the next couple of days. Now let’s go.” The trio climbed into the car and started driving to Remus’s place.

“Okay Lily, so what is the bin and what are the rules? Prongs and I only want to help, we don’t want to make things worse. You know that, right?”

“I know Sirius, there aren’t really ‘rules’ per se, but just some things that won’t help. If I ask you to do something, please just do it. I know what to do and I have done it a lot, I can read the subtle cues that he gives. He won’t say much for the first while most likely, but that’s normal. The bin is something that Remus and I came up with in high school. We realized that there was a pattern of how his ‘getting better’ looked and things that would work. There’s a matching pair of pajamas that we wear because we jokingly bought each other the same pajama set for Christmas one year and now we just keep them in the bin. He will never comment on us matching until he starts feeling a little bit better. There are some tea bags in the bin, and electric blanket and the Twilight movies.”

“Wait, I thought you both hated the movies because they don’t do the books justice?” Sirius added.

“Oh yes, they are awful. But we watch and laugh at how terrible they are. It’s the only time we watch them. Now I’m sure you both already know, but this isn’t going to be very fun and it’s very embarrassing for Remus when he has to let people in and see him like this. I know you both want to help, but just don’t make any comments on how he looks or how much of a mess his place is.”

“I thought he didn’t let you in though, love? How do you know what his place looks like and how he looks?” James commented while they were walking up the stairs to their friends' apartment, Sirius nodding along in agreement to James’s questions.

“Boys, I’ve known Remus since before we could walk. I know him better than anyone and I know his habits just like he knows all of mine that you two are too slow to pick up on,” Lily says laughing at the looks on her husbands’ and best friends face at being called slow. Shaking her head in amusement, she turns to the front door and unlocks it.

The trio steps into their friends' house, the two men being taken back by how correct Lily was about the house being a mess. There was no free counter space they usually saw when they came over, and there was no music playing in the place. Remus was not in sight, meaning that he was in his room. Whenever the group of friends would come over to Remus’s place, there would always be music playing in the background and the house would be spotless minus a blanket being thrown lazily on the couch and Remus’s current cup of tea on the counter. The house they walked into today seemed like it would have belonged to a completely different person and not their tidy and organized friend, Remus Lupin.

“Hey Rem, we’re here now,” Lily said as she walked straight into the apartment seeming to make herself at home right away. It was like she was on autopilot and she just knew what to do. “Sorry we took some time getting here, I seemed to get all of the red lights on the way over. James and Sirius, could you two please start washing the dishes and putting them away where they belong? I’m going to go get changed into some pajamas and get Remus into his. Once you are done, get changed into your pajamas and bring some muffins into the bedroom. That’ll give me some time to talk to Remus alone and set up the first Twilight mover. Thanks, boys!” After daying this, she picked up the bin and walked straight into Remus’s bedroom with a quick knock and closed the door after her. James and Sirius started doing what they were told to do while quietly talking so that Lily and Remus wouldn’t hear them.

“I’ve never seen Moony like this before Prongs, and I haven’t even seen him yet! Do you think he wants us here or do you think he just really didn’t have a choice?”

“Me neither Padfoot, I didn’t even know it could get this bad ever. I thought that maybe if it ever did get this bad, that he would have contacted us. When I saw him at work yesterday I didn’t realize something was off until the end of his shift so he must know how to hide his true feelings pretty well. I think maybe deep down he wants us here, but he’s worried that we won’t want to be near him if we see him like this. Lily told me after our road trip we took a couple of years ago that Moony admitted to trying to hide his depression from us because he’s worried that it will drive us away from him. I didn’t realize then that he had just gone through that big episode until Lily told us yesterday what really happened. Maybe after this, he will realize he can call us if he needs us.”

“I hope so Prongs, I really hope he realizes that.”

When Lily closed the door behind her when she walked into her best friends room, she was greeted with the sad eyes of Remus Lupin. He was laying on his bed under the covers with bags under his eyes and his hair a complete mess. She smiled sadly at him when he tried and failed, to give her a smile in greeting. Putting down the bin, she starts picking up his clothes off the floor and tossing them in the laundry hamper making the room a little more presentable. She walks over to the bed and kneels in front of her friend taking his hand in hers.

“Hey love, you had me worried when you didn’t text me this morning,” Lily starts.

“I know, I’m really sor-” before Remus can finish his apology Lily cuts him off.

“Don’t you dare be sorry Rem, I know you didn’t mean to worry me. I wish you would have called when you started feeling off though, I could have been here sooner.”

“I know, I just wanted to deal with it myself but then it started getting bad and I didn’t want you to be worried about me when you’ve got James and Sirius worrying about you and the baby.”

“You know I’m always ready to have a break from them. I would have been here in a heartbeat if you needed me. But I’m here now and I’ve got the boys with me.”

“You actually brought them? Lily, I-”

“They love you, Rem, they wanted to be here. They were worried about you when James brought it up at dinner last night. And before you apologize and say you didn’t want to worry them, we are your family and we will always want to help you, okay? They wouldn’t let me leave without them, I barely escaped to come check on you earlier by myself. I promise love, they aren’t going to laugh at you and they aren’t going to think less of you, okay?”

“Okay.” **  
**

“Good, now change into your pajamas while I change into mine. I’ll plug in the blanket at set up the first movie, okay? If you decide you want to talk you just start talking whenever, okay? If you want to talk with just me, then give my hand three squeezes and I’ll kick the boys out for a bit.”

Remus nodded before the two of them started to change into their matching clothes. Having been friends for so long and only thinking of each other as siblings, they had changed in front of each other many times that it was no longer awkward. They would both face away from each other when getting changed and it was natural to them to just get changed in the same room. The number of sleepovers they had growing up and even as adults were too many to count, but they always changed in the same room for as long as they could remember.

As soon as Remus was changed, he sat back down his bed before laying under the already heated blanket and watched Lily as she started up the movie, turned off the main lights, and turned on the bedside lamp. They hated having the main lights on during movies, but they realized quickly during the many movie nights they had that they were too messy when eating or drinking to have no lights on. Lily sat down beside Remus, making sure there was room on her side for her husband and room beside Remus for Sirius to sit beside him. Pulling Remus into her side, Lily let Remus’s head drop onto her shoulder and pulled the blankets up around them.

James and Sirius, when they joined Remus and Lily in their friendship back in high school, were very confused when they first had a movie night and saw Remus and Lily all cuddled up. At first, they had thought they had misread the two and thought that Lily and Remus were dating. When they asked the two if they were dating, they both laughed and Remus said “I’m a little too gay for us to be dating. We just enjoy cuddles and we feel safe with each other like there are no hidden feelings or desires when we cuddle. We are allowed to be ourselves with no worries.” Since then, it was very common and accepted to see Remus and Lily cuddled up on the couch. Today was no different. Sirius and James were not thrown off by walking into the room and seeing the two friends cuddled up together, but they were thrown off by seeing how sad Remus looked and how small he looked today curled up on the bed with Lily. Remus was usually the one to first look at James and Sirius when they met up with him and Lily, always making eye contact and smiling. Today, however, he refused to even look up from his hands that were joined with Lilys.

James and Sirius looked at each other and back to Lily who was smiling sadly at the two, not knowing if they should say anything. Lily gave them a small nod that gave Sirius the boost to say something.

“Hey Moons,” he started, handing Lily the plate of muffins before making his way to sit beside Remus on the bed. He kept a little bit of space between the two of them as to not overwhelm Remus. “We made some blueberry muffins for you. Hopefully, they are as good as Lily’s.”

“Hey Man, hope you don’t mind the extra company of Sirius and I. We wanted to be here with you as well. If you need us to leave so you can relax with just Lily, just let us know, yeah?”

As the two men sat down beside Remus and Lily, they realized that they were probably not going to get a reply but knew that Lily said that was likely so they didn’t take it personally. They watched Lily force a muffin into Remus’s hand and watching as he nibbled on it while seeming lost in thought but relaxed and seeming to be okay with the extra company.

Halfway through the movie, Remus had finished his muffin and had fallen asleep against Lily looking as relaxed, carefree and with no trace of tension on his face, more like how he would have looked on a normal day. It seemed like he wasn’t struggling for the first time in a long time, which worried James and Sirius, but Lily looked as though it was just a normal thing.

“Hey Lily,” Sirius started whispering, sounding like he was unsure on if he should continue in fear of waking the sleeping friend.

“It’s okay Sirius if we whisper he’ll stay asleep for a bit. What’s up?” Lily said in the same volume as Sirius, giving him the okay to continue talking.

“How do these days go? When it’s just the two of you, I mean. What should James and I do, is there some way we can help? He just… he looks so broken.”

“I know, he’s really hurting but there isn’t much I do. I just offer him a shoulder and if he decides he wants to talk it through then he will. He knows what to do if he wants to just talk to me, I already got that covered. Usually, we just sit and talk or just watch movies. We have a set schedule in a way, so I’ve got that covered and you really don’t need to do anything unless he or I ask you to. He looks quite broken, I know, but it takes a lot of trust for him to allow you to see him like this. I know it feels useless to just be sitting here doing nothing, but you’re doing more than you know, okay?”

“Okay, thanks, Lily.”

An hour later, Remus wakes up to see that Lily and James have left the bedroom and sees Sirius sitting beside him scrolling on his phone. He quickly closes his eyes in hopes that Sirius doesn’t see he’s awake and tries to involve him in a conversation. Remus tries to quiet his thoughts that are still running through his head at an unimaginable speed. Trying to stay calm and collected as to not let any emotions be made known, Remus pulls the blanket higher up to cover his chin. He knows his hopes of pretending to still be asleep are foiled when he hears Sirius start to talk.

“Hey Moony, James and Lily left about 20 minutes ago to go buy some groceries to make some supper. We don’t have to talk if you don’t want, just let me know if you need anything or if you want anything, alright?” 

Remus knows that Lily must have given James and Sirius a talk if he wasn’t being pestered with questions. After weighing his options of continuing to live in silence or asking one of the many questions he wants to, he decides on the latter.

“Are you mad that I didn’t tell you?” Remus knows his tone sounds sad as he failed to keep himself monotone, but is surprised when he looks up to see Sirius giving him a small smile while looking at him.

“No Moony, I’m not mad. I wish you had come to us before it got this bad, but I know what it’s like to not want people knowing what you’re really feeling. Don’t worry about James being mad either, we are both okay and just hope that if you need help again you let us help.”

“Oh… Well, thank you for not being mad.” Remus is confused, he really thought that he had made his friends mad with keeping his feelings from them. He realizes he should have known better, this is his family he is talking about. They did everything to help each other.

“You’re very welcome Moony, we care for you.”

With that last comment, the peace in the apartment was broken by the sound of the front door opening and Lily and James arguing.

“James!” Lily yell whispered. “I am perfectly capable of carrying a bag of groceries! I’m pregnant, not missing a limb!”

“Yes, I know that Lily, but I don’t feel like you going into early labour!”

“It’s a bag with bananas and chicken breasts! I’m pretty sure that won’t cause me to go into labour. Now stop arguing with me, If you wake up Remus then you will have hell to pay!”

Sirius and Remus made eye contact and Sirius burst out laughing while Remus rolled his eyes. Slowly getting out of bed, knowing that Lily would drag him out if he didn’t get up on his own, Remus made his way to the kitchen with a laughing Sirius behind him. Lily and James see them and James looks terrified for his life before Lily walks over to Remus and embraces him in a hug.

“How did you sleep, love? Did this bozo wake you up? I can make him sleep outside if that would make you feel better?”

“I woke up just before you both came in, don’t worry Lils,” Remus said with a small smile.

“Oh good! Well I’m going to start making some supper, okay? I’ll boil the water for tea, just let me know what type you want. Go sit on the couch with Sirius, James will help me with supper and you two can just relax for a bit.”

“Early Grey please, thanks, Lily. You know how much this means to me.”

"I do, don’t worry."

Two hours later, the friends have eaten and are sitting back on Remus’s bed with new cups of tea and the second Twilight movie has started. James and Sirius had finished cleaning up while Remus and Lily got the movie set up and the mugs of tea to the side tables in the bedroom.

“Are you ready for the next movie Rem?” Lily asks with a gentle smile on her face.

“Of course, however, I think we will need to find some matching pajamas for James and Sirius if they are going to be joining us from now on,” Remus says with a small but genuine smile on his face.

“That’s a great idea! We will be alright Rem, thanks for letting me bring them today. We will go pick out some pajamas for them and it’ll be one of their gifts this Christmas.”

“Thanks for not giving me a choice of having them over. I love you, Lily.”

“I love you too Remus.”

**Author's Note:**

> To anyone who is wondering where this lies in place with the eventual story of Wolfstar becoming a couple, this took place early July of the year Wolfstar gets together (because Lily is 8 months pregnant). In reference to a note you may read on the upcoming Wolfstar story about how they became a couple, I will not be adding what year it is ever because I don't want to work on trying to make the modern timeline fit into the original Harry Potter Universe.


End file.
